As a nurse I have witnessed many people dying and had lots of conversations with people at the end of their life. Bonnie Ware was a nurse who wrote a book called the top 5 regrets of the dying about her experience of working in palliative care and we have both had similar conversations.
Lots of people walk through life without stopping to think am I actually happy? A lot of people spend most of their life overwhelmed, people pleasing and burning out. It’s too late to make any changes on your deathbed so take this time now to think about how you are really feeling and do you need to make any changes? Changing our mindset can help us live with fewer regrets later in life.
What are the 5 regrets of dying?
1. “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself”
Many people felt they lived according to others’ expectations, family, society, or career pressure rather than what they wanted.
2. “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard”
This came up especially among men she cared for. People often regretted missing time with family, friends, and meaningful experiences.
3. “I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings”
People often suppressed emotions to keep peace or avoid conflict and later regretted not being honest or authentic.
4. “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends”
As life got busy, many let meaningful relationships fade and deeply missed them at the end.
5. “I wish I had let myself be happier”
This one surprises people. Many realised happiness is partly a choice, and they had stayed in old patterns, worries, or comfort zones instead of allowing themselves joy.
The hidden role mindset plays in regret
A lot of people are living in survival mode just trying to get through the day not aware of what is driving decisions. For most people fear is driving the decisions.
Fear of judgement,
Fear of change,
Fear of failure,
Fear of disappointing others.
We need develop self-awareness so we can understand why we are making the choices we are. So that we can recognise patterns and start to make different choices. We can do this by learning to pause and reflect.
Regret 1” I wish I lived a life true to myself”
To live a life true to yourself, you have to stop people pleasing and start setting boundaries. Saying no when you mean no instead of saying yes. What area of your life could you start doing this in?
Regret 2 “ I wish I hadn’t worked so hard”
A lot of people end up burning out due to a few different reasons, but some include, working too hard trying to be perfect, taking on too much work because you don’t want to say no. Feeling guilty for taking rests thinking you should constantly be busy.
Rest can feel uncomfortable at first if you’re not used to doing it, but it is necessary to keep you going with out crashing. What does your work life balance look like? Do you get enough rest? Do you spend enough time with friends and family?
Regret 3 “ I wish I’d have expressed my feelings”
A lot of people bottle their feelings and hold it all in, then some people explode in a negative way. Holding feeling ‘s in can also manifest as physical illness. We need to move from emotional suppression to emotional honesty. If you don’t feel comfortable about talking about your feelings, you could start by journalling so at least you are expressing what you are feeling. Then move onto conversations.
Think about a situation that you wish you would have said how you were really feeling. What stopped you from saying what you really wanted to say? Was it coming from a place of fear?
Regret 4 “I wish I had stayed connected”
People loose connection with friends and family due to different reasons. A lot of women particularly don’t have time once they start their families and life demands a lot from them. In this day and age people have to run houses, work, look after children, do extra courses, or have clubs with children. Some people move away and can feel isolated. Over time as situations change people can become lonely and disconnected.
What actions could you take to connect with people? Join clubs, go to church/ temple/ mosque etc.
Is there an old friend you could send a message to?
Regret 5 “I wish I had let myself be happier “
Only you can make you happy! No one else has that power, instead of waiting for happiness you must consciously choose it.
First of all, you have to let go of guilt, where in your life are you feeling guilty? Have self-compassion and kindness for yourself, like you would have others. You have to find joy in the ordinary moment in life. Have an attitude of gratitude focusing on and being thankful for the things we do have instead of focusing on what we don’t have. Thing of 3 things you are grateful for at the end of each day.
It’s not too late to live differently
Reflect honestly where you are in life right now and how would you like your life to be?
Mindset shifts happen gradually over time, but you have to start making the changes.
My book Looking After Me can help you start making these changes towards a happier you!
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